Boy...boy....boy, and....boy!

Another boy will be joining our family in early March. I'm outnumbered, to say the least.

This pregnancy has been a little harder than the other ones it seems. Maybe it's cause I'm four years older than the last time. Maybe it's because I just don't remember feeling so worn down. Or maybe it's because the last time I only had a 2 year old and 5 month old as I started my third pregnancy. A 7, 5, and 4 year old make bigger and faster messes than babies. So, maybe the nausea and crap feelings have just been exacerbated by extra busyness in our home.

Am I complaining?

Sometimes I think we feel like we have to walk a fine line between being honest and being grateful.
Yes, I'm so grateful for one more baby. Lots of things in life haven't always come as easy to me as being able to get pregnant (losing weight, always loving life, Zumba). But, the reality is that I think I have confirmation that Baby #4 shall be the last. Honestly, I yell at my kids way too much probably to be allowed to have another one.

And honestly, I'm so tired of the question: Are you disappointed it's not a girl? Seriously, people? Lots of women can't have babies or don't have healthy ones. I've been blessed with three loud, obnoxious, messy boys. What could be more normal than that?

So, the fact that I may be a little disappointed is purely selfish on my part. Here I go walking that line between being grateful and honest, again. Honestly, I feel kind of cheated that I don't have a sister. I mean, I do have a sister, but her cerebral palsy puts her on level that I feel more like her mom than a sister. We don't do sisterly things....unless watching "Smurfs" and playing with Thomas the Tank Engine qualifies. I know that sounds harsh, but it's the reality.  I know she'll have all of her mental and physical capabilities one day, but eternity seems a way off.

I have sisters-in-law whom I love. Some more than others. They fill that gap of sisterly qualities, but not quite the same as a blood sister would, I think. One has to admit that you're not as close, usually, to your mother in law as your own mother. Admit it! I don't have quite the same relationship with Mary as I do with Nancy.

And this chain of reasoning is what leads to me to my selfish reasons for wanting a girl: I'm just going to have daughters-in-law. Daughters-in-law who probably will have living mothers and maybe even sisters! Ah, so where will that leave me in my old age? I hope my boys marry nice girls because I see myself just being the MIL.

See, I hate being honest because that makes me seem not so grateful. It's these damn hormones making me feel lonely about possible future events.  I know families are all different. Lots of girls don't have moms. Lots of boys don't have moms. Family dynamics are all different.

But, alas, Baby Boy #4 is joining us. And I'm thrilled. I've got the clothes. I've got the trucks. I've got the blankies. And I get to look forward to not even being surprised at what an uncircumcised baby part looks like. I am a self proclaimed expert, after all.

So, I may be outnumbered, but I can handle it....and maybe I can teach them to be cleaner than my husband and brother.